Of course I'd like to briefly reflect on 08, which is a hoody that I have from Nickelodeon studies - not sure if I can wear it anymore, it is pretty ugly, but it was free and keeps me warm. I'd like to say I'm ending this year on a happy, clear and determined note.

Its really nice to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are, no questions asked and no disappointments either. Its nice to be with someone and not have to put a damn label on it either. I am just casually seeing this person, he makes me happy, and I intend on keeping him around if he continues to do so. I realize I dont need to be single, or taken, I just need to be happy right now and de-stress when I can.

I am also around relatively decent people now, less aggravation and negativity ( aside from it induced by the program we're in ) and I am pleased with that as well. I have kept old friends that are worthy and got rid of some BS.

I am happy to say that my grades did not come out tooo horrible; I wound up with one C and I'm good with that. My gpa is still a 3.7 surprisingly.

Only downer is my finances, which is alright when you think of the budget I have now. I started up a very poor paying freelance job doing illustrations but I can shit things out faster than people take shits, so its ok for the mere 50 bucks a book.

In the end, all I have to say is happy new year to all, I hope things turn out better or GREATER than they did this year around.

Second day of break and its great but weird, not to have anything to do.
I'm cleaning out all of the senseless gifts people have been giving me, organizing my toys. Its great. Here are a few of the toys I've collected in the past 4 months of toy design, there are plenty more but I havent gotten around to organizing yet.



Two weeks off and I plan on working on week straight, then vising friends. I will be actually stepping out of nyc this vacation! woo!

Sake could have died today if I wasn't awake, or around. The worst feeling in the world is holding someone you love in your arms, seeing their life flash before your eyes, and seeing death.

I forgot to mention that I got into toy design. BOOYA

Today it snowed, and for once I found it so beautiful.. I actually wanted to stay outside for a while. I didnt care if my nose was freezing or my feet were wet. It was nice waiting for the bus. Today was worth skipping class.

Sometimes I wish we really did have a remote control to life, or maybe I just need to watch my life from a third point of view to appreciate it more. Reflecting on today leaves me pretty happy, to the point where I cry from happiness while harps, violins, basses and cellos leave me dancing. Dancing.

Sad, but content.

A little rundown on the beginning of my 4th semester, which started off pretty damn hectic. Managing to work inbetween my shit schedule, keeping up fast assignments, and keeping up with my own place and life is tough.

First class with Janis Salek. She is quiet, frail, almost reminds me of a grandmother I WISH I had. You know, the kind that sits down and knits you an ugly sweater all winter just so you can give her a kiss on the cheek Christmas eve. Oh wait, sorry.. I keep on thinking the end of the year is winter, fucking backwards world I lived in. Anyway. The class is all about graphic styles and I can bullshit that pretty easily out of my ass, considering I had Donovan experience. hah! Then I switched into Sal Catalano's class.

Let me mention, that I have been thrown into a new block - no more friendly or annoying faces, new ones to assess.. minus Po and like two other people I've had classes with before. * ps this is the time where I stop talking about every teacher I had and go onto .. RANT MODE

I can only say... WTF> LOLOL

By Wednesday I discovered how LOONY some of the rejects are in my new block. You see, the block I'm in is composed of people who didnt register on time, or got kicked out of their chosen blocks because there wasn't anyone in this one. I fit in the latter, sadly, and consciously decided it was a good idea after all, production wise.

I am stuck with crazy girl, crazy man-girl, girl who I met a long time ago and dont really want to talk to, etc.. I also found out from said crazy females (are these the women - uh, girls - men talk about in spite all the time? seriously they should be) that I have a group of people who hate me in my major. Fuckin A, good XD Sad thing is the one time I felt like being social and amiable, the person I tried to make an attempt via Facebook to be friends with, is one of those people who hate me. Oh wells, what a fucking shame. I can definitely give them something to really hate. Snotty Dina are GO!

I feel like I'm in a carnival, forever listening to the laughter of the joker's face, perpetually cranking that joker's box. This semester, and I concur, will be a rollercoaster ride of fun, ONLY IF I learn to chill out. Oh and, stys are fucking annoying. So are real eyebrows. And birthcontrol induced depression.

You see all the entries I posted below?

Fuck them. Some people are heavyset in their ways, and I am trying to remember mine.

Sort of make me think the world has stopped orbiting the sun, or is frozen in time.. I almost feels like everything has been temporarily stuck in another dimension. I like it.

LOL PUMPKIN LOLOLOLLLLLLLLLL

AHAHAHAHAHAhaHAhahsdaskldjnaskldja

/cracks up

oh shit oh shit.

I sort of miss Murrow and its crazy drama.

BACKSTABBING BITCHES, AHOOOOOY


Oh i still love these girls <3

So, with my birthday coming up I'm going to be frank and shallow about it. Last year my bday rocked, it was awesome and I loved it. This year I'm asking for plain and simple stuff:

Gift certificates to:
Amazon
eBay!
Bath and Body Works
Paypal!!
Fredrick's of Hollywood/Victorias Secret
Threadless
*LIP SERVICE!!!!!!!!*
Flickr
Macys
Hot Topic
Sanrio!

Other:
Wall decorations, weird stuff for my place, etc.. you people know my style :3
And maybe a crimson DS. o,o

thats all I can think of.. but please, no more ponies! hahaha.

So I dropped yoga after being inspired by Val's long speech about her psychology teacher about to expell her. It felt like a bunch of bricks were lifted off my chest, but in reality I was just excited that I had free time. I could go home with Mark, I could finally have time to come over his house and snuggle with him, and do my own shit when he's busy. I actually sat down yesterday night and waslike O_O nothing to do???
weird eh.

So for Donovans class, which really isnt that bad anymore, I am doing a self portrait of Gustav Klimt. He is by far one of my most favorite fine artists as of late. Usually though, his work is hit or miss. Me liking him so much is really strange for my tastes, but it might be the redhead naked bitches, or the angelic references in the poses. His style of work is odd, loopy a little - but I think thats whats separates him from most artists. Hes not AMAZINGLY skilled at reproducing the human figure to a tee, but he can display it in an autistic boy meets naked girl kind of way (he slept with almost every one of his models, minus Emilie). Anyone who's interested should watch the opening to Elfen Lied, youtube it. Its gorgeous and I would have done the EXACT SAME THING.

Anyway, I plan on getting most of his work as prints and filling up the living room with them, or doing my own paintings. Regardless its going to be red, pink and purple themed. I might even start painting my walls with a mural of some sort, but I'm scared I'll hate it like I did with the murrow mural crap that fucked over my ego.

And all I can think of, is that reaching orgasm at the same time as your partner... can seriously take over your brain for a while just reenacting the moment in your head. Lol what was I talking about again? >_O

Fuck, what am I supposed to transfer to after my AAS degree? Toy design? Graphic? Animation? I'm seriously thinking of doing cosmetics, fragrances and marketing. It sounds tempting to be able to create my own makeup and perfumes, and then get an internship.

Hmm I got kicked off of workstudy, due to the "high demand of students wanting workstudy" and lack of funds. Not to mention I worked over the summer. Fucking fuck. Job hunting time. Crossing my fingers again for Rickys with Caresse!

Apparently, according to my nutjob gym teacher, I have hypo hypoglycemia...

I think I needs sleep fawlks

People are welcome to buy this at any given time ^o^;;;; lol housewarming time!!!
( Moar! )

Oi. Every morning I wake up now I feel worse. Teh gay.

I currently have some weird mesh of a sore throat, fever, and cold. Its really, really annoying. Especially since now my tonsils are gone, it feels like they're swollen when they dont exist. Or just feel like a sharp pain in my throat. Fuckin' A. I left work early today because I didnt' feel like dealing with anyone. Who the fuck gave me these germs!?!?

Mark and I attended Meli ( aka Mini-Me )'s sweet sixteen party. It reminded me why I hate sweet 16s and their traditionalism, but it was fun nonetheless. There are pics on facebook and mark is still hiding all of his goody pics. He looked so hot I wanted to pounce and rip his costume open :3~ Its a shame I was feeling pretty sick. fucking stupid flu.

Working two jobs is really annoying. And friggin physically tough. I wish I could fall asleep but my body wont let me. I also technically, have a third job now. Designing clothing for this woman my father works with who wants to start a clothing line with a Nepalese influence. I think what I'm charging her is ridiculous ( 100 for a fucking plain design wtf ) but my dad says they're cheap compared to the crap real tshirt designers get paid. Ah well. Message me and I"ll show ya my mockups maybe :p

I'll leave you fuckas with a cat macro!!! (currently addicted)

Story of Whiskers' life, heeeheee.

I had a great day today. I wound up going to Riis with Mark and the guys. Due to stupid Italian bitches with big mouthes taking up our time, we got there at like 12-1 ish. We wound up ditching the bitch at her own house lol. The beach was great but the weird tampons I got were not. was seriously irritating.

Bad part of the day was my fucking family calling and telling me they're on the SAME FUCKING BEACH. I thought that would ruin my day right there, but I didnt see them and we left afterwards anyway.

We then went to Erskine and browsed around, didnt really buy anything either. lmao. Then we went to Nadar's house. Mark and I got to assault his jacuzzi O__0. Its the greatest thing ever.. mhmmmmmmm. Spent the rest of the night watching tv and discussing things where I am still convinced my boyfriend thinks out of the norm.

Overall the day went pretty great. Mmmm jacuzzis ^o^

Those who know me know I'm all about trying to improve, or look towards what could lead to it.. or just procrastinate and say I will, but never do.. Isnt it funny how we all aspire for the future? What happened to living in the moment?

Its 1.24 am and I'm sitting here, watching the food channel for like, the past 4 hours. Its mind numbing, its a little mind dumbing too. Food will always enthrall the bottomless pits of our hearts.. or our stomachs. It also leads me to the never ending question I always find myself asking in times of doubt; wtf do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to go? What will leave me satisfied late at night, and yes, here I am planning my future and forgetting about my beloved present or past.

The other day I came home and told my family I had cut Po's hair, showed them pictures and my mom smirked at me. She said, "Why cant you just stick to one thing?" But then my dad retorted with the fact its good that I go for a billion things. I can do makeup, hair styling, hair dying, artwork, graphic design, sometimes photography by luck, lol. My list can go on, anything that involves creativity I can do. Yeah, I suck at math, it takes me a while sometimes to remember the basics. And yea, my cooking skills suck ass, but I can make something look pretty or be inventive about the ingredients ( whoever said it had to taste good? lmao ).

I really have no idea what to do.. I dont know what I can even possibly major in. I want my own store. I want my own line of products, whether its clothing, stationary, art, blahblah. I cant decide.

man, I'm going off on a tangent.
in other news, my summer is going pretty well! I might be working in the printshop at FIT pretty damn soon, plus being a keyholder at Coldstoney in the hurst.

I need a new bike. who wants to sell me one cheap, around 20-24"? huhuhuh?

What people think I can do and what I know I can do are amazing.. It keeps me giddy, excited almost, but at the same time I wonder how I come off to people.

what am I to you?

Today was something else. Mark's birth day, big day out at the Poconos with scaredy little terrorist nyc Dina. I stayed up till 1 the night before working on his birthday card, and thought. hah! 5 hours of sleep are good enough. I'll sleep on the ride over there. Supposed to wake up at 6.

not really. I woke up at almost 10 and broke down. The second my eyes opened I started cursing . It was the worst feeling ever - how do you live with the fact that you've ruined someone's special day? And by.. falling asleep? I checked my phone and felt even worse. I swear, I felt like I wanted to go commit suicide or something. I could feel his disappointment, I could hear his sigh and undergo the heat of his anger. I wanted to just curl up and die; fall back asleep never to wake up. Honestly, when I still think about it, I start to cry. I feel like a horrible girlfriend. I cant even apologize enough, it feels like too heavy of a burden to forgive now.

( However.. the day went on nicely )